Flores Fam

Elizabeth Hope Flores--Welcome to the family

2012-01-31T09:12:00.000-07:00

Sweet baby cheeks, she is here and I am so happy!! She is the sweetest little bug I could have asked for. So here is how she got here...

Wednesday January 11th I started having contractions at 3:00 in the morning. They were only 20 minutes apart and weren't super duper strong...so it was manageable. I did that for about 5 hours. I then started to Skype with Jana...it's a good thing, because I'm terrible at timing contractions. She skyped with me most of the day as I progressed to 10 minutes apart...then 6 minutes apart. By the time I hit 5 minutes apart, I decided to lay down to see if they would go away. By then Tony had come home from work. We decided to head toward Boise to be closer to the hospital...and get Melissa settled in at Grandma and Grandpa's house. We talked about dropping her off and going to Walmart to walk around and see if things would progress even more, but as we drove to Boise, my contractions were getting a bit stronger...still not TOO bad, and coming at 3 1/2 minutes apart. We decided to call the hospital and they told me to come in and get checked. So off we went to labor and delivery...and I was at a 1 and 80% effaced. They suggested we walk the halls of the hospital for an hour and see if I could progress any more. After a LONG hour of walking...they checked me again. Still at a 1. Major sad face...they sent me home. I went back to my parents house and tried to take a warm bath...yeah, I didn't like that. It lasted 2 seconds. By the time I got out of the tub, the contractions got a LOT stronger and lasted longer and were more frequent. Tony had gone to the store to get himself some treats...so I had to wait for him. They were so intense I had a hard time sitting or laying down. It was about 11:00 at night by that time. We decided to go back to the hospital. He even ran a red light while we were driving hee hee. He dropped me off at the front while he parked...it was so cold and I got hit with a pretty bad contraction so puking in the bushes seemed to help. The nurses were a little surprised to see me back so soon. They checked me again and I had gone from a 1 to a 3 in less than an hour.

The contractions were very intense and frequent...and it took FOREVER it seemed to get me admitted. It was about 12:30 by the time they got me in a room and prepped for an epidural. Yeah...I was tired of hurting and VERY thankful for it considering how long we had to wait. I think I instantly went to sleep when it kicked in. The contractions kept coming and I SLOWLY progressed ALL night. I had to get 3 boluses with my epidural because it kept wearing off on one side of my body. That made the night seem longer when that happened. By 7:00 am I was at a 9.5, so the doc decided to give me a small dose of pitosan (spelling?) By 8 I had reached a 10 and then they decided I could try and push. The first push and the nurse said I would definitely be pushing her out because it was too dangerous for a C-section. Good news!! The doctor had left, but she called him back in because it was clear that it wouldn't take very long to push her out. They saw her head and saw tons of black hair. They asked if I wanted to see it...I was game. They wheeled in this full length mirror and I saw that and more of me than I had seen probably ever. I opted for not watching any more...You can't push with your eyes open anyway.

After a couple of pushes her head was out...He unwrapped the chord from her neck and the next contraction he said to push to see if we could get her shoulders out...and the rest of her shot out of there instantly. They cleaned her up a little, set her on me and she peed all over me...she was beautiful! I was overwhelmed with emotion. She was everything I had hoped for and I was able to deliver her the way I was supposed to! I actually did it!! She was a successful VBAC and I felt like I accomplished something incredible! To be able to share that with Tony and with my mom on each side of me, was exactly what I wanted. She was born at 8:52. She weighed 7lbs. 4oz. and was 20 1/2 inches. She is a beautiful little girl and makes me smile every day.

After I had Melissa, I ached to have another baby. I wanted her to have a sibling SO bad. I thought I had lost that chance when Joe died. I always had hope...hope for love again, hope for more family, for children. Her middle name is Hope. She fulfilled the rest of what I had hoped for. I found love and more family...she is here now. Melissa has a sister she can call her own...along with her stepsisters and stepbrother. That makes me SO happy!

What a BIG BUMP!

2012-01-06T08:01:00.000-07:00

Yeah...I think it's time. I want this little girl on the outside of me now. I am feeling quite front heavy and it doesn't feel good. I'm 38 weeks now. Only a couple of weeks to go, bring it on! For the sake of all my joints, I am so ready! I think every in my house is ready for her to come too. Come on baby girl, lets see that cute face of yours!!! I'm not sure how she is going to get here though. I'm supposed to be trying a VBAC since I had Melissa via C-section. The doctor said he was going to let me try, but so far I've had absolutely no progress which is not good considering I am 38 weeks along. If I don't have any progress by late next week it is a good probability that this little girl is going to come by C-section also. That's ok with me as long as she gets here healthy. I'm not picky, I just want her here.

Happy New Year!! 2012

2012-01-06T07:53:00.000-07:00

Happy New Year to us! It was just Tony, Melissa, and I for the holiday so we headed over to Mom and Dad Olsen's for some New Years festivities. As usual, Melissa crashed about 9:30. So 10 minutes before Midnight, we woke her up...quite a challenge and had her poor our sparkly Martinelli's to ring in the new year. She was SO out of it. Very entertaining watching her try to function still very sleepy. It was fun for me to be able to have Tony this year to ring in the new year. We kissed and gave sleepy Melissa a kiss on both cheeks which freaked her out a bit because she didn't know what was happening. It was very fun and low key...just the way I like it! Happy New Year! Now...to get this baby to come!

2011 Reflection...what a road!

2011-12-31T14:30:00.000-07:00

Now to look back at this crazy year and reflect...

1. What did I do in 2011 that you've never done before? I became a stepmom to 5 children and lost 50 lbs. and got pregnant for the 2nd time.

2. Did I keep my new year's resolutions, and will I make more? For the most part I did...lost weight, got engaged, married, and pregnant. I still have a long ways to go with my other resolutions, but I always make goals and try to achieve them.

3. Did anyone close to me give birth? Yes! Jana had Hobie on January 13, 2011. He is stinking cute!

4. Did anyone close to you die? Not anyone super close to me died...but I did go to several funerals this year of some pretty special people that have impacted my life in some way. They will be missed.

5. What countries did you visit? If you consider California and Utah a different country than yeah I visited there, but I didn't leave the country this year.

6. What would you like to have in 2012 that I didn't in 2011? My baby to be born, so I can hold her on the outside of me instead of the inside :-)

7. What dates from 2011 will remain etched upon your memory and why? January 29th...Tony officially proposed to me the day before my birthday. March 4th...I married an amazing man and became a stepmom to his 5 amazing kids! May 7th...I found out I was expecting a baby!! September 2nd we found out our baby is a GIRL...that makes number 6 girl.

8. Biggest achievement of the year? Getting married, pregnant, and being able to stay home and be home for the kids.

9. Biggest failure? Not renewing my temple recommend when it expired even though the temple is closed. I should still have one.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury? A few bruises from our little accident with the astro van, but other than that, the normal pregnancy icky moments.

11. What was the best thing you bought? A suburban that fits everyone in the family.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration? Everyone...it is a hard adjustment trying to blend 2 families. Overall, I think everyone is doing a fine job.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? Every kid had their moment this year. It all comes down to adjustment to new people in your life.

14. Where did most of your money go? Food and bills...of course with that many people in the family.

15. What did you get really, really, really, excited about? Getting remarried, finding out I was pregnant, going to California for Thanksgiving.

16. What song will always remind you of 2011? Hey, Soul Sister...loved singing along with Tony playing it on the guitar.

17.Compared to this time last year are you:
18. a) happier or sadder? I would say the same. I was happy last year because I was dating Tony...I'm happy this year because I'm about to have a BABY!
b)thinner or fatter? Of course I'm fatter...I'm 9 months pregnant
c) richer or poorer? I actually have more money than last year, but it gets used a lot quicker with that many people in the family.

19. What do you wish you'd done more of? Cleaning and organizing the house. Pregnancy made me lazy.

20. What do you wish you'd done less of? Sleeping
21. How did you spend Christmas? At home and then visiting Tony's family and then my family.
22. Did I fall in love in 2011? OH YES!!
23. What was your favorite TV program? The Office, Lost, Once Upon a Time, Dancing with the Stars
24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year? I don't hate anyone...but I struggle with some behaviors from certain people that I haven't had to deal with before.
25. What is the best book you read? I read a couple Harry Potter books this year. Those are fun to read.
26. What is your greatest musical discovery? I discovered the Pandora station and I love it! I think my favorite is the Train station. The songs are so good.
27. What did you want and get? To get remarried :-)
28. What did you want and not get? To keep my weight going down...pregnancy kind of prevents that.
29. What was your favorite film of this year? I would say Breaking Dawn, just because I saw it last night for the first time!
30. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? I turned 32 and I had a party at my parents house. Tony got to be there with me :-)
31. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? I don't think anything could have. I am satisfied.
32. How would you describe your personal fashion concept of 2011? Find anything that fits. Things were too big at the beginning of the year and I'm ending the year with everything too small for my belly.
33. What kept you sane? My computer and being able to be in my room when things got overwhelming for me...and a huge bathtub to soak in.
34. Which celebrity/ public figure did you fancy the most? Not into fancying celebrities...but I find it entertaining to follow stories online. It's like a train wreck...can't turn away!
35. What political issue stirred you the most? The Republican party primaries. Finding a candidate for next year.
36. Who did you miss? I missed spending time with my mom. It was an adjustment not being with her everyday.
37. Who was the best new person you met? Hmmm...instead of saying one person, I'm going to say the whole Flores family. They are awesome!
38. Tell us a valuable life lesson learned in 2011...patience. Adjustment to change is really, really hard and the best thing to do in that situation is to have patience and understanding. It will not always be so hard.
39. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year. "I knew there was somebody somewhere like me alone in the dark. Now I know my dream will live on, I've been waiting so long. Nothing's going to tear us apart...In the end I wanna be standing at the beginning with you." At the beginning from Anastasia the movie.

Christmas 2011

2011-12-31T13:35:00.000-07:00

Busy, Busy Christmas this year! We had all the kids with us for Christmas and it was a lot of fun. A lot different then Christmas's I've ever had, but I really enjoyed it. As always when things are different than you are used to it is hard, but still enjoyable!

Even Elly got something in her stocking :-) Anna was the first to point it out! Lucky girl, not even here yet and Santa brings her something!

Oh the presents, always a fun part of Christmas morning after checking out what Santa brought.

We spent time at Tony's parents and my parents and we had a great time!! I appreciate everything that both families did for us this season. Mom's talent of making gifts always amaze me and the time and effort she puts in to each one of them. We all got hats this year, Anna's was a Care Bear. So cute.

At the Flores house, it's always fun and an enjoyable experience. I loved it!

Melissa's turtle hat

Tony's Angry Birds hat

Elena the panda

Erin's cat hat

Audrey and her fancy purple and black hat.

Chilly Willy for me! :-)

Oh and the best of all...PAPA SMURF!! LOVE IT!!

Traditions are always tricky when you combine to families and it was hard for me, but I know as time goes on we will be able to carve our own traditions and it will become easier for everyone. Overall, I enjoyed Christmas and love being able to spend time with family.

December Activities

2011-12-31T13:17:00.000-07:00

Shop with a cop!! Melissa thoroughly enjoyed herself this year being able to go shopping with a local cop from the caldwell city police department. She got to choose presents for everyone in the family and got to ride in a police car to Kmart with the lights and sirens on. It was very fun for her and she pretty much loved being able to shop and hang out with her new girl cop friend. She loves thinking of other people and choosing presents for them. That's Melissa for you!

The holiday season wouldn't be complete without lots of Christmas programs. They were in the evening and split up each day. The 4th and 5th graders got 1 day, 2nd and 3rd, and Kindergarten and 1st. So we had to go each night to a different one. They all did a great job. I did notice that all of the songs they sang had absolutely no mention of the Savior which made me sad because He is the reason we celebrate Christmas.

I was pleasantly surprised at the high school choir Christmas concert because they did sing songs about the Savior and the choirs did an amazing job. They have amazing voices!

My grown up girl...as usual on Joe's birthday we went up to the cemetery for our own little celebration. We always take a tree up and decorate it for him. One of Melissa's favorite traditions and mine. I love the time we get to just have a moment of reflection. I have a picture of Melissa by the tree every year since Joe died and it's amazing to see how much she's grown. This year I had quite the emotions as I looked at her picture compared to the other years. The growth that she's had just in this year alone is incredible. The changes she's been through, the new family she is adjusting to. It's just been amazing to watch her grow and blossom during this huge life change. I have moments of sadness knowing that the growth that she is making will not be witnessed by her father, although he probably knows better than I the growth that she experiences. I know he is pleased with her and the love and kindness that are naturally there for her. I also know that he probably knows how hard it is for her sometimes and I'm sure Heavenly Father gives her extra boosts of love especially from her father when she needs it the most. I couldn't have asked for a better daughter. I can't even express the love I have for that little girl.

Thanksgiving!!

2011-12-13T14:07:00.000-07:00

Here is a glimpse into our FABULOUS Thanksgiving vacation to California! I am thankful for my California family and any chance I get to visit and spend time with them. We had a great time spending time with them and hanging out and eating LOTS of turkey! Melissa loved the time she got to spend playing with all of her cousins down there. Outside with the boys, doing Abby's hair and decorating cookies with her, playing wii with the boys and Ashlee and Jolynn. We had a great time, we love them all and am very thankful for them and their willingness to let us come stay.

Halloween

2011-12-13T13:58:00.000-07:00

So cute! Both of them! It is really different trying to get 1 child ready for Halloween let alone 6 of them! Luckily we pulled it off and had a great time being all Halloweeny.

Couldn't pass up an pregnant costume. It was too good not to.

Family of crayons

Papa Johns guy and Captain America...That has a nice ring to it.

October 21st.

2011-12-13T13:51:00.000-07:00

This has to be one of my favorite pictures. We did our annual trip to the cemetery on October 21st. Melissa showed Tony how it's done and it seriously warmed my heart to see these two cleaning up the headstone together. I'm so glad we got to share our tradition with Tony and that he was so willing to jump in and enjoy the moment with us even though it is such a hard day for me. It makes me happy that it is turned into such a looked forward to outing for Melissa though. She LOVES to go up to the cemetery and visit her father and it brings me such comfort to know that there is enough love in both of us to love 2 men. She loves her father, and she loves Tony.

I can't believe how grown up she is...this last year has put her through many changes that are HARD for a little one to go through, but she is a trooper and it has made her so much stronger and mature. I have seen her work so hard and mature so fast. I love this girl so much and I am so very proud of her and everything she has been able to accomplish this year.

I love seeing her smiling and happy just to be spending time with Tony and me. We waited a long time to find him and I am extremely happy that we he found us when he did. He has brought lots of changes to our lives and love. 6 years ago I had hope for something like this to happen. I didn't know it would be 5 years down the road before we would meet him...but I'm happy that we did. Patience and hope that Heavenly Father will give you what you need, when you need it. I'm glad He felt like this it what I needed.

27 weeks!

2011-10-20T09:25:00.000-06:00

Yeah that's right...it's my belly, and yes I'm only 27 weeks. One week shy of the beginning of my 3rd trimester. If you are wondering, no, it's not twins...and yes I'm freaking HUGE! Where else is she going to go, I don't have anywhere else for her to go, but out. Luckily I have not gained a lot of weight, I'm right on track to where I should be. Hopefully I stay that way in the next 3 months.

She is one active little bug in me. She kicks, she twirls, she does some amazing acrobatics, but mostly during the night time hours. I wish it was during the day, but it's not. It's when I'm trying to get comfortable enough to get a good night's sleep that she figures it's time to show off. Only a couple of the kids have been able to feel her kick, she likes to save it for when they look away or take their hand off my belly. She does like to kick her dad though, they totally high five each other.

So now the countdown is on. Melissa reminds me every day how many weeks it is until the due date. This week makes it 13 weeks. I am looking forward to being able to hold her on the outside of me. Luckily I have a few holidays to get through before then to keep my attention distracted from the "is it time yet" blues. Here's to getting through Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Years! Then it's time for a baby!! Bring her on!

Widows and Widowers Conference

2011-09-19T15:08:00.000-06:00

I'm a very blessed lady. There are 3 ladies that I consider to be some of my very best friends and we have a common bond. We all lost our husbands. We joined the dreaded widow club, but through it we have found each other and I love these ladies. We had the opportunity to go down to Salt Lake and attend a widows conference this last weekend with the theme being "Finding Peace in Parenting". It couldn't have come at a better time. Being 6 months into my remarriage with Tony, challenges have come up and I have found myself discouraged at the stepmom I am and expected to be. The lesson I continue to learn is to be the kind person I am, and change my reactions to situations to make them better.
I drove down with Heather and Jen and attended the Friday night conference. I left uplifted, but yet a little sad that Tony couldn't be there. I was hoping I could share with him what I learned so that we could do things together. I was feeling very down about that and I was very surprised and pleased when I received a text from him saying that he found someone to cover his shifts at work. He drove all night Friday night to be with me for the workshops on Saturday. Amazing, he is simply amazing. After driving all night and sleeping for a few hours, he met up with us at the church and we were able to attend the workshops together. It was all about step parenting, which I needed tremendously. I hope Tony got as much out of it as I did. It uplifted me quite a bit and gave me hope that it won't always be so hard. As long as I keep close to the Lord all things will be turned to good, even the bad stuff. I'm glad I went. So glad I got to spend time with friends and with Tony. So grateful we were able to spend time with Jeanna, and it was just nice to get away for awhile. Melissa had a wonderful weekend spending it with Stephanie Green and the Whiteleys. So glad it turned out good all the way around.

It's a GIRL!

2011-09-08T12:17:00.000-06:00

That's right...another girl...where will we put her you ask? Good question, haha! No, just kidding we have it figured out. It will be tight, but you do what you have to do right? I'm really excited for this little girl. I'm excited for Melissa to have a sister that never has to leave our home. She is super excited for a little sister and I am so happy about that. Tony Jr. is still the lone brother in the midst of 6 girls, he almost cried, but quickly recovered. He is right smack in the middle with 3 girls on each side of him.

I get a little teary eyed just thinking of what the next year brings for me. To have Melissa turn 8 and get baptized and have a little one to bless close to the same time, what a blessing! The changes I've gone through this year have been overwhelming and hard, but oh so worth it and I couldn't be happier. Now that I'm halfway through this pregnancy and really am counting down. I want to hold this baby girl in my arms and just enjoy her. I've waited so long not knowing if I would ever get to experience a brand new baby of my own again. I'm so blessed!

School time!!!

2011-08-29T13:42:00.000-06:00

This is Melissa at the meet and greet the day before school :-) She is SO happy to be in 2nd grade!!

First DAY of school...All ready to go!

Elena starting 5th grade...she isn't quite sure of her teacher yet. She has heard some horror stories, so we'll see how the year goes for her.

Tony started the 4th grade. Not much excitement out of him, but he is super smart, so everything should go well for him.


Anna is in Kindergarten this year. She goes to all day Kindergarten, so she goes Mon, Tues, and every other Wednesday. SO I get a lot of days all by myself at home. I'm so glad!

I didn't get pictures of Audrey and Erin...Boo...but Erin is in 7th grade and Audrey started HIGH SCHOOL!! EEK! I am a step mom to a high schooler! She is in 9th grade at Vallivue High School, and so far she says her favorite class is Seminary. I hope that it always is her favorite class :-)
I'm super excited that all the kids are in school...for still trying to get used to having 6 kids around it was a VERY long summer. This gives me time to just chill and get ready to have another one home with me. I am halfway there to having the new one join this crazy family. We should be finding out this week what we are having, so I am super excited for that! That just gives me about 20 weeks to prepare this house and myself and 6 kids to have a new one join us. Let the NESTING begin!!!

Uh...It's been a while. I have an excuse I promise!!

2011-07-21T21:20:00.000-06:00

It's been a long time...so sorry about the lag in posts! It's been eventful and I haven't felt well, because of being preggo! It's due January 19th. I finally made it to 2nd trimester, so things are looking up!

Here is our announcement made in June

We also went to the Kerbs Reunion at Camp Manapu right outside Ketchum...so fun, it would have been if we could have taken all the kids, but timing didn't work, and they were with their mother that weekend. It was a great weekend camping...it always is when you are surrounded by family. We took the Stanley way back and it was pretty exciting with the herd of deer and 9 more in the road all the way home. It has been a great summer and we've done some pretty fun things as a family. I will try to do better in keeping updated as we progress this year!

10K for the 2 of us!

2011-05-16T12:02:00.000-06:00

Look at us, walking a 10K together...we absolutely had the best time and we did it in 1 hour and 50 minutes and 20 seconds. Tony took 2nd in his age bracket too! I'm sure there were maybe 2 or maybe 3 of them. HA HA! I love doing these kinds of things with Tony and I love the time I get to just being able to spend time and talk with him. It is 1 more goal that I accomplished this year and I am so excited to get started on some more! I sure do love this guy!

Getting through April...

2011-05-02T11:52:00.000-06:00

Phew!!! We made it through April...barely. Three of the six kids have birthdays within 10 days...Tony Jr. is the 13th, Audrey is the 21st, and Melissa is the 23rd. Lets add Easter on top of that. Needless to say, I'm tired of cake...really tired of it. We had great parties and thoughtful family to help us out and come to the parties to make them special for all of them. Good times were had by all!!

Tony's car cake...he is 9!

Audrey's barbie cake...14! Well into being a teenager...oy!

Melissa's turtle cake...7 years old...going on 14!

Coloring eggs with Tony on her birthday, lots of fun! We also had her birthday outing that day at Chucky Cheese with just the 3 of us. Good times!

The Easter bunny found her and gave her some yummy candy! She is still working on eating it along with all the other candy she bought herself with her birthday money. So glad it's May now! Let the flowers start blooming and the weather warm up so I can get my garden in. I can't wait!!

The Derby...

2011-04-23T13:50:00.000-06:00

It was so much fun to be able to help Tony Jr. make his first pinewood derby car. We shouldn't have waited until the day before to start it though. We didn't have the right glue to secure the weights. We had one moment of tears when we had the washer and a couple pennies go flying off during one of the races. Lesson learned, take your time and get the stuff you need. He did great though. He showed good sportsmanship and won 5 of his races. All in all it was a great time and fun for everyone!! So different to be able to enjoy the pinewood derby without being in charge of it. It really makes you appreciate those who put it together when it used to be me doing it. Great job scout leaders, it was a great race!

A new beginning

2011-03-17T22:35:00.000-06:00

We did it! After a whirlwind of planning in a short amount of time, we are married and my little family of 2 has now grown to 8...and I'm thrilled! Its been a crazy adjustment, but I love it. I had a moment of reflection the other day as I sat in my new to me living room alone while all the kids were at school and Tony was at work. I was baffled at the direction my life went in a few short months. 6 months ago there would have been no way that I would have seen this coming at all. When it's right it's right! I must have learned what I needed to learn in that phase of my life and the Lord was ready to give me a new challenge. I must need to grow in new ways and stretch myself even further! So far it has been absolutely wonderful. I'm learning more and more each day about each of the kids and what makes them tick. They are learning about me and Melissa and it has been an adjustment...luckily a good one for all of us. We are finding lots of fun new activities to do with each other, learning how to push the right buttons, and my favorite analogy-learning how to not crunch each others chips (hurt each others feelings) They are quick to remind each other not to crunch chips...so fun. I've gone from doing 3 loads of laundry a week to around 3-5 loads a day...craziness! I never dreamed that I would ever get to live THIS kind of life. I've ALWAYS dreamed of having a large family and taking care of them. I thought I'd lost that kind of opportunity. The Lord blessed me with it when He knew I was ready for it. I'm so thankful!

Meet Tony and the rest of the fam...

2011-02-01T10:31:00.000-07:00

I am one lucky girl! Tony and I started dating the beginning of December...and by January we decided we were getting married. We met in September at a mid singles dance, and talked a few times after that at different activities. By December he wanted to get to know me better so we went out on a date. Our 2nd date was 5 days later and the 3rd was 2 days later. I met all 5 of his kids the day after that. I was instantly comfortable with him and his kids. For those of you that know me well, you know that it's hard for me to be comfortable around people instantly. It usually takes a while, so for me I knew this was a good thing. He is everything I have prayed for. He is great with Melissa and treats me very well. Melissa is absolutely thrilled that there are so many kids to play with. She is so excited to have a brother and so many sisters. It won't be an easy adjustment for her, but I think she will do great. We have a short amount of time to get things together, but it will get done. March 4th here we come!!

Christmas in Cali!!

2011-02-01T09:40:00.000-07:00

Always a good time, having Christmas with family. We were lucky enough to be able to go to California this year and enjoy Christmas with Jana and her family and Justin and his family. It was very fun and I enjoyed every minute of it. It was a little different this year only because this year I left a boyfriend at home and had my phone glued to my hand every second so I didn't miss any texts from him.

The Mudding Adventure

2010-12-13T06:43:00.000-07:00

So this has got to be the funniest adventure I've gone on this year. My good friend and fellow widow Jennifer and I decided we were going to go mudding with a group of mid-singles. It was very cold, very snowy, and VErY slick! We drove out to Leslie Gulch State park in Oregon (very beautiful out there) We did pretty well until we stopped at this little area where everyone met. The rest of the group went on to find a better spot and Jen and I decided we would stay just for a little bit to let the kids stretch their legs before we moved on. I think that was our mistake.

We loaded up the kids and started the direction of everyone else slipping and sliding all the way. We got to a hill that we need to try and get over and by the time we got to the top it was so slick we didn't want to try and get over the slick side. Not to mention there was a little cliff and water at the bottom. Super scary. So Jen decided she wanted to turn around and go home, which was fine with me since I was her passenger and didn't want her to feel uncomfortable. So as she turned it around I took all the kids out of the car and hiked them up the hill so they wouldn't be in the car if it decided to slide. Those kids taught me an important lesson about prayer. They were up there praying like crazy that their mom wouldn't die...and we would be safe. I can't even describe the spirit that came over me at that moment when I listened to those kids pray. Needless to say, we made it down the hill safely and slipped and slid all the way out of there. We had lunch at a cute little pizza place in Marsing and called it a day.

What did I learn from this? Pray, stay with people who know what they are doing, listen to the spirit, and looking back I would say do I give up too easily? Would we have been just fine if we would have pushed a little farther. Did we miss out on a great experience because we were too afraid to try something hard? We found out later that someone came back to help us and we weren't there anymore. We didn't stick it out with patience.

Yes we did have fun with what we did do, but there was more fun on the other side of that hill if we would have pushed on and not given up. I know I will not be afraid to move on and push forward from now on. There is something great for me if I'm not afraid to take risks and jump in feet first. By now you probably know that I'm not talking about the mudding experience anymore. This is about my life. I've held on to what is comfortable not allowing myself to experience more in my life. It's easier to be considered the widow and hide behind the "I'm not ready" phase. I'm ready to jump in feet first!

Thanksgiving...

2010-12-08T07:30:00.000-07:00

Yeah I thought I'd better write about Thanksgiving BEFORE Christmas comes...
So I was really worried about Thanksgiving this year. I've been doing so well with my diet and I was afraid I was totally going to blow it! Since mom is doing this with me we did our homework and made it so that we didn't blow all the hard work we've done. The food was amazing, we watched our portion and I enjoyed a piece of chocolate cream pie...all the day before I was set to go weigh in and get measured. I was so nervous...but I lost 4 lbs that week!! I'm so glad my family is on board and doing this with me. Mom has lost 30 lbs. and is doing an amazing job. So proud of her. I was very thankful this year at Thanksgiving for my supportive family!!

Veteran's Day Program

2010-11-20T12:44:00.001-07:00

It's not hard to figure out which one is Melissa. She has found her place in the front row just like her mother. I really enjoyed watching her in this program. It's her first real program in front of the school and she did an awesome job. I love the Veterans Day program and the feeling of patriotism it brings to watch these kids sing and honor those who have fought for our freedom. I love that this school does this every year and hope they continue to do it every year. What a great tradition!!

Halloween

2010-11-14T08:21:00.000-07:00

This Halloween was full of fun parties, costume changes and CRAZY HAIR!!! I don't think I've ratted my hair that many times in a short amount of time ever. We had a great time though, at all the parties, and I thought Melissa was an AWESOME Pippi Longstocking! Mom did an amazing job on my June Cleaver hair, and I loved having an excuse to rat my hair really crazy and spray fun colors in it. I loved being a pirate this year. It was exciting to wear fun costumes and be comfortable in them. We had so much fun this year!! I didn't even steal any of Melissa's candy...so happy!!

October 21st

2010-11-14T07:55:00.000-07:00

5 years...it's been 5 years. It seems like yesterday...and felt like yesterday. It was a very hard day for me. I still had to go to school and take a test, I worked out like crazy and took Melissa to the cemetery after school. She doesn't quite understand yet what that day really means yet. She had a hard time understanding why I was so upset that day, and decided she should push my buttons. I ended the day sitting on the couch alone because I just sent her to bed.
We had a good conversation about being sensitive to people's feelings, especially those painful feelings. I think she will eventually get it, but it is hard for a 6 year old to just get it. I love that going to the cemetery is such a treat for her though. It's our bonding time, she gets to bring things to her dad and talk to him. She loves it. She plays, she talks to him, we eat snacks together, she brings him things she makes or finds just to share it with him. This year, she left him a lady bug in a jar and wrote all sorts of things on a pumpkin for him. Every time we go to the store and she sees flower displays she begs to buy some so we can take them to her dad. I'm glad going there is such a positive experience.

Catch up!!

2010-11-04T17:29:00.000-06:00

Wow...did not realize how fast time has gone since August, you are all probably DYING to see what I've been up to...or not. (-: It seems like as soon as a semester starts, I don't breath until it is over and some things just get put off, like my poor blog. Sorry to neglect you. I will do my best to recap the last 2 months the best I can.

I have been hiking, running, working my butt off this last couple of months and seeing some great results. I know that is the only way I have energy to do what I need to do. It's been a very busy couple of months. I've done 2 5K races in the last couple of months that were a LOT of fun.

This was a great group of ladies to do my first 5K with. The DIVA'S!!

Madisyn and I did the Barber to Boise race in October. That one was a lot of fun!!

Besides all my running, the semester has been really busy. I've been busy with cub scouts, activities committee, school (Heaven help me get through poetry writing and education foundations), Getting Melissa going well in school, and work. It feels like I need more than 24 hours in a day to get it all done. I have a lot more active in the singles activities and believe it or not, went on a date for the first time since Joe. It only took me 5 years to take that step, but I did it. The 5 year mark was on the 21st of October and I think it was the hardest year for me yet. I have such great support though. I am so lucky to have found the friends I've found in the last year that understand what I'm going through. It's been a long road, and will continue to be a long road, but I know I'm not alone in what I go through.

Just for an update for the fun of it: Weightloss since August 1st-- 25 lbs.

Fabulous Fair Fun!!

2010-08-29T21:20:00.000-06:00

I am officially faired out this year...I spent most of the day Monday the 23rd with Melissa. I worked from 2 to 6 the 24th and 26th. I took Steve and Melissa on Saturday the 28th. Oh what fun we had. This is the first time Steve had ever been to the Western Idaho Fair. He had a blast, and it was nice to have someone else take Melissa on the rides while I took pictures. He was terrified to go on the ferris wheel, but Melissa held on to him and he realized it wasn't that bad...after a while. hee hee hee. He loved all of the kid rides that Melissa dragged him on...no complaint, just smiles when he was done. We loved the dinosaur exhibit, and Steve and I got superman tattoos on our arms...(airbrushed of course) We ate a lot of food, and enjoyed EVERY bite!! I think I'm good for now...at least until next year!

Cascade Camping

2010-08-29T21:07:00.000-06:00

This has to be one of my favorite memories of this whole summer. Melissa and I went camping with a group of "mid-singles" in Cascade. There were about 70 people that attended and it was a really good time. I spent most of the time swimming in the lake with Melissa, taking pictures with Melissa (she took pictures on my little camera, while I took them on the big one), and either hanging out in the tent, or with friends. We had a great time!! I would definitely like to take the rest of my family there for a camping trip just to hang out...so relaxing, great view, and great swimming!

Goodbye ToNsIlS...Hello SLEEP!!!

2010-08-11T21:18:00.000-06:00

The progression from that morning to the aftermath of surgery...she was a trooper! It was a quick procedure...He took her tonsils and her adenoids...her adenoids were actually BIGGER than her tonsils! Poor thing couldn't breath out of her nose. Her tummy was upset afterward, the ride from the bed to the wheelchair made her lose what little stuff she had in there. She fevered, she puked, she ate lots of popsicles, but mostly ice water...she never let go of the dog that Grandma picked out for her though. Her voice changed, but the biggest difference...she can breath!!! I listen to her sleep because she doesn't snore anymore and she is so quiet, that I have to check on her! YEAH!!! She was a little freaked out that when she puked it actually came out of her nose...that had never happened before!! Just wait until she laughs so hard it comes out of her nose, that will be a new one for her! I'm looking forward to seeing if her getting restful sleep is going to help other matters, like behavior and focusing...time will tell!

AUGUST 1, 2010 THE BEFORE PICTURES

2010-08-11T21:08:00.000-06:00

I am putting this out there...I know it's brave...no more like absolutely CrAzY!! These are my before shots. My family is doing a "Biggest Loser" type challenge. I'm in it...I'm going for it...if I put it out for the world to see, maybe I will keep my motivation to just keep going and change my life. I don't think I'm quite brave enough to reveal the starting number, lets just say unhealthy weight in ratio to my height. I need all the support I can get!! Positive comments are always welcome, there are too many other factors that are already discouraging me and dragging me down. I will do the best I can, and hopefully come back a year from now changed for the better and healthier than when I started!! Wish me luck!!

July 19, 2010 FAMILY FUN at SaNdYpOiNt!!!

2010-08-11T21:00:00.000-06:00

Awww good times!!! It is always fun to take a family night and go doing something fun like go to Sandy Point and swim!! Super fun, very refreshing, and always good company. Joe tried to teach me the basics of how to stay under water and let yourself sink...yeah that didn't go so well. I am very challenged in that area. I panic too quickly and can't stay under water for more than two seconds. He gets an A for effort in trying to teach me though. fUn was HaD by AlL!!!

Grover Reunion

2010-08-11T20:49:00.000-06:00

So yeah the Grover reunion...this is really how many pictures I took at the reunion...very unusual for me! Actually there are more pictures on my phone because Melissa walked around taking pictures on my phone. Thank you Melissa!!! It was a good reunion...I did the crafts which kept everyone busy for quite a while and successfully dwindled my craft supplies (that's a good thing). I enjoyed camping with just Melissa in our own spot, although after 3 weekends in a row sleeping in a tent, I was kind of done for a while. It was windy one night, and Melissa woke up with a bloody nose the other night. We saw a snake, which did not make my day...and over all I just needed a break from camping. More than anything, I was just shocked at myself for not taking more pictures.

Fireworks!!!

2010-07-11T16:55:00.000-06:00

It isn't very often that we are actually home to see fireworks on the 4th of July because of the Kerbs Reunion, but on the rare occasion we do get to be home in time to go enjoy some good fireworks. This year was a good year. The fireworks were amazing and not only that, we got to enjoy them with Jana and Leo and their kids, and Grandma!

Kerbs Reunion 2010

2010-07-11T16:47:00.000-06:00

Kerbs Reunion...My favorite summer memories for the last 20 years. We have been having this reunion every year for the 4th of July for the last 20 years! I've only missed 2 in all of that time because of serving a mission. This year was held at Baumgartner campground near Fairfield Idaho. It was a great year, great company, great food, and fun activities.

Okay so one of the activities was a watermelon eating contest, way to go Leo, he thoroughly enjoyed every bite of that watermelon.

They had lots of fun state fair activities going on for all of us like the balloon popping, fish pond, cake walk, ring toss, etc...everybody's favorite though was Madam Noitall! Shelley gave us all our fortunes and I loved to watch the kids faces when she told them something that they didn't know she knew about themselves. Pretty fun!

Another contest was the corn shuckers...Steph was the fastest hands down!! She beat 3 other boys!

Oh the hot springs! Felt so good!!! Nice warm water, Abby loved it and fell asleep in the water with her daddy holding her...It's nice to be in nice hot water when you've been camping and feel all dirty.

Everyone who joined us for a dip in the hot springs!

I think Melissa enjoyed going under to see all of the dead flies in the water. She said it was beautiful!

Talk about beautiful, there is just something about being in the mountains enjoying beautiful sunsets that I love. The particular sunset really caught my eye. The colors are amazing! Not to mention the landscape against the sky...I just love it.

I seriously love this picture...Dakota is such a great big brother and is always helping out and loving his baby sister, Abby...so sweet!

I really loved this reunion and I think it's because of the Olsen Reunion turnout that I now appreciate this reunion all the more. How close this family is and the love that is shown between everyone, I look forward to this every year!!

Relay for Life

2010-06-28T11:29:00.000-06:00

I did it...I didn't think it would ever get here and I thought I wouldn't be able to do it, but I did it. There were many obstacles that I had to overcome, and it was hard. We did the Relay for Life to honor those living with cancer and to honor those whose lives were lost because of cancer. Our team raised $305 and I am so happy with that! Our team name was Superheroes United, the theme was birthdays and we decorated our little camp in superhero birthday stuff...it was a lot of fun! We walked all night, raised lots of money and altogether the Nampa Relay for Life earned $45,000 for cancer research...I couldn't be happier. Dad was honored as a survivor that night, he walked his lap and walked one with mom as his caregiver. We honored those names that we submitted in luminaria bags. They were lit up and their names were read. It was very emotional and healing to be able to think about them and honor them in some way. We were supposed to do the dove release in the evening, but because of weather, we had to wait until morning. I'm so glad we waited. It was such an amazing experience to be able to let go of that bird in Joe's memory. This will always be one of my favorite pictures after everything we went through to get there. I will always be grateful that I was able to contribute in some way to prevent someone from being lost to this disease.

Columbus Park Ward Picnic

2010-06-28T09:47:00.000-06:00

It was my first summer picnic for the year to put on for the Columbus Park ward...It turned out so much better than last year. The turn out was great, lots of people...not quite enough food though. Hopefully I'll be able to provide the main dish at the next one in August. It was so fun...people entertained themselves. There were games of Ultimate Frisbee going on, football, volleyball, and just general chatting amongst ourselves. Good times were had by everyone.

Olsen Family Reunion

2010-06-28T09:41:00.000-06:00

Ha Ha...this is our Family Reunion...All of Dad's brothers and sisters were invited to attend this reunion...we had some confirm and at the last minute pull out...we had some that had valid excuses for not being there and we missed them, but understood why they couldn't make, and we had some that just plain didn't come and didn't want to. It ended being my parents and 4 of their 6 kids. We had a great little reunion with just us...we still did what was planned and we had a great weekend. It was the 2nd weekend of June...June 11-12, 2010. Yep that was probably the worst attended family reunion ever put together in the history of family reunions...but you know what? It doesn't matter. As long as you can have fun with who you are with no matter who they are...that is all that counts. Friday we had a great picnic, it rained a little...so I was happy to see a rainbow joined us that evening (always a way for me to know that Joe isn't that far away). We played volleyball, ate good food, and just enjoyed each other's company. Saturday morning, Steve and I took all the kids on a hike...we hiked up tablerock...it was harder for some than others, but we all made it to the top and encouraged each other along the way...I am proud of each one of them for not giving up. We had a great discussion of our journey here on earth and as families how we can help each other reach our goals. It was a great moment on top of that hill with all of those kids. I will never forget it. We had some lunch, and all of us headed to the zoo! What fun we had, we spent a good solid 5 hours walking around the zoo, taking pictures and enjoying the animals. We ended our little reunion at Golden Coral with LOTS of food...once we were sufficiently full, we went home and chilled. It was a great weekend...with lots of lessons learned. I think I will stick to trying to get our own family together. There isn't a desire for the others to get together now. Hard lesson learned.

Memorial Day 2010

2010-06-28T00:50:00.000-06:00

I know I'm late posting this, since June is almost over, but June has been a very busy month for me! Our memorial day weekend was full of good times, good company, and great memories. We started off at Dry Creek visiting Joe on Saturday... always a favorite place to go. I know they appreciate it...and I like having that time to remember them and honor them in a small way. It was unusual this time...we didn't have Grandpa here to go with us this year...we actually visited him and gave him flowers. It is always so hard the first time you go there after someone is gone. Everything is still so fresh. Are weekend was different this time too because we actually stayed in a hotel...we swam, we worked out, we hung out, and just had a good time, I really enjoyed it. The first night wasn't so comfortable on the floor, but we got smart and used inflatable pool mattresses to help that out! Great idea! Great weekend!

Kindergarten Music Review

2010-06-28T00:40:00.000-06:00

I can't believe Melissa is done with Kindergarten already...I have a big first grader who is going to go to ALL DAY SCHOOL. It was quite the year. They sang songs, danced a little and received certificates that said they made it through Kindergarten. She did a good job, and I'm very proud of her. She has had a pretty tough year, but ended it well. She received a 3 on her IRI's...and I'm very proud of every effort she makes with her school work. She does her best and that is all I expect from her and that makes me happy when she does her best. Now on to a fun-filled summer and to make preparations for 1st GRADE!!

Melissa's turn to donate

2010-06-28T00:33:00.000-06:00

She wasn't as happy to donate her hair as I was...We were actually quite tricky about how we did it...and she is very sad in this photo...I explained about a month before this that we were going to donate her hair to someone who doesn't have any. She said she didn't want to share. She liked her long hair because she explained that is what being a girl is...long hair...boy she is talking to the WRONG mommy. So one day, I told her I was going to measure it just to see if it was long enough, and funny thing, Grandma happened to have scissors in her hand as I measured, and before she knew it I had a pony tail in my hand and I showed her. (That morning there were lots of tears because of knots I had to comb out --I'd had it by that point) The meltdown started!! She CRIED!! She ran down into my room, climbed under the blankets and just sobbed. When I went in there, she yelled at me a "few" times that she hated me, she would never be pretty, and that hated me, she looked like a boy, and did I mention she hated me? So I explained, that her hair would still be pretty, she doesn't look like a boy and Grandma has to finish cutting her hair, so it wouldn't look like we just chopped off a ponytail...she reluctantly agreed and after it was all finished...we had a happy girl that was ready to share her ponytail with someone without hair, and I've been a happy mom since...especially the upkeep on doing her hair every morning. She loves it now!

Gail and Merlin Ratliffe

2010-05-18T14:30:00.000-06:00

This to me is what family is all about...Gail who is no longer my step mother-in-law loves us and all of Joe's brothers and sisters to be included in her wedding. She deserves every bit of happiness thrown her way. It was an incredible experience to watch her have a temple marriage for the first time in her life. She has waited a long time for this experience and I can't think of anyone who deserves it more than she does with what she has put up with. She is an incredible lady and I truly love her. It was so fun to sing at her reception with my sisters and brother in law. I'm so honored that she asked me to take her wedding photos at the temple...what a fun experience it was for me. I will always love her and the sacrifices that she has made especially when Joe was sick. The amount of time she spent with us, cleaning our house driving us to radiation treatments everyday because he couldn't get into our car, and cooking us lots of dinners. She was an incredible blessing to us in a very difficult time. She will always be an incredible blessing in my life just knowing her. I know she will have a very happy and comfortable life with Merlin which makes me incredibly happy!!

Shooting with the other family

2010-05-02T19:08:00.000-06:00

Target shooting...I have not does in years... I do believe the last time I went was right after Joe died...so at least 4 years ago...I forgot how much fun it really is! We made our very own redneck christmas tree with lightbulbs taped to a sagebrush bush and shot away...David and Steph's TV really felt it too...we really had a lot of fun despite windy conditions. The kids loved it.

Our weekend Adventure, April 24, 2010

2010-05-02T18:35:00.000-06:00

Do you see what this sign says? Yeah, it says road closed...that literally means you don't drive on that road. We were headed up to meet up with Mom's side of the family for a picnic at Baumgartner camp ground to check it out and see it before the reunion. We got to a sign that said road closed, and what did we do? Yep we went on...not a smart move. We got 100 yards away from the campground and got stopped by a forest ranger and a sheriff. Oops. It's Elk habitation season and it's not open yet. Dad got a 75$ ticket from the sheriff, and I got a 75$ ticket from the sheriff...the bright side? We were ticketed by the sheriff and not the forest ranger...that would have been a 250$ ticket for each of us. Won't be doing that again. We turned around find another spot to picnic and had fun from there.

2010-05-02T18:18:00.000-06:00

April 23, 2004....yep that was 6 years ago...seems like yesterday that I was holding that brand new baby girl...So what did she want for her birthday? To have a rainbow cake and rainbow balloons. That is what I did...she asked for a bike, toy hamsters, and a variety of other things just like any other 6 year old does...you walk through the store and they say, "Oh I want that for my birthday, oh and that too, and that too." I narrowed it down by what she could tell me off the top of her head when we weren't at the store and the ones she said more than once. It works for me. She had a great time, was very excited about everything, and now since she has a bike and this mom watched her ride with cousins and her aunt...yep I had to get a bike too so I could join the fun!! Great times!

Our 2 weeks without flying solo...

2010-05-02T17:58:00.000-06:00

I would like to say it was a lot of fun and we did lots of fun things, but alas it twas not so...it was overwhelming, and it took 5 people to accomplish the babysitting task that my parents do...next semester no babysitting will be required during the day...she will be in all day school, and my classes are in that block of time. It was an exhausting couple of weeks with babysitters and keeping up with everything that 3 people usually do. I'm glad they are back. While they were gone, we did have a few things we needed to do...

Check this girl out! We had picture day! I can't believe it is almost the end of Kindergarten. I can't believe I have a 6 year old and I think I'd better go target shooting more often to keep the boys away from her...she is beautiful!! I love my toothless girl...she is a handful, and I've got my work cut out for me trying to understand how to help her grow and learn the way she needs to, but I trust Heavenly Father will help me know what the best thing to do for her is.

Can you see my shadow? Do you realize how close these squirrels are? Yep pretty close...not as close as they got while we were there though. One of those days we decided to go to the park and hang out...yeah, the squirrels decided they were going to hang with us also. I was watching Melissa on the playground and before I knew it we were surrounded by 6 large squirrels and I sat as still as I could. I should have moved around because they eventually got close enough that one of them jumped on the picnic table and walked over my hand. A little too close for my comfort...we were out of there.

The MS walk...We had so much fun...I really appreciate Kerry and the love and patience and caring that she has shown me since I've known her. It was least I could do to show her support and walk with her during the MS walk. It was a lot of fun and I would do it again in a heartbeat. I always enjoy spending time with her and chatting. The only thing missing from our 3 mile walk was a big fat diet pepsi...

That about sums up our 2 weeks without mom and dad...hopefully next time they decide to vacation like that, either I'll be on vacation too, or my schedule is such that I don't require a boatload of babysitters to get it all done. One can only hope right?

Spring Break!

2010-05-02T17:34:00.000-06:00

Slowly, but surely I will catch you up on all of our happenings...Spring Break was a ton of fun...as always when we go visit the California families. We bowled, we dyed eggs, we shopped, we hunted eggs, we just hung out, we smashed eggs into each other, went to Wacky Tacky, and the Easter bunny found us. Alas, it did come to end and it was back to real life back at home...without Mom and Dad for 2 weeks!!

Hanging with Abby with Grandma in bed

Bowling!!

Wacky Tacky

3 Weird ladies goofing off-yes I know you can see up my nose.

Monkey men

Our silk tie dyed eggs

Headband hangout crew

Easter bunny found everyone!!

Good times were had by all!!

Hike to Tablerock

2010-04-24T09:34:00.000-06:00

So the day we left for California for spring break, I insisted that I join my midsingles group for a hike up Tablerock...so glad I did. It was a beautiful day and the hike wasn't as hard as I was expecting it to be, although I did feel it for a few days afterward. It was a good time, and something I want to do often. I figured I would take pictures at the top for my own memories. I did really well being up there, showing Melissa the exact spot where her dad proposed to me, where we had our first date...very special spot to me and I glad I got to share it with Melissa. It was good to be in the midst of a lot of people though, I was able to keep the emotions in check very well. Melissa is sitting where I sat and kneeling where Joe kneeled. It was pretty cool, she doesn't understand it completely yet, but the more she hears the stories, the more she'll get it. It was a good day for me.

St. Patricks Day

2010-04-24T09:23:00.000-06:00

I know, it's April and I'm just now posting my St. Patrick's Day blog, I have to get it in though!! We were able to make this cute jumper for Melissa and I've discovered this cute hair blog that gives me great ideas for Melissa's hair! So fun, so I had to try the shamrock hair. It will be a sad day when I cut her hair. Believe me it's coming, and it's coming soon!

Things that shouldn't be said to a widow...just needed to vent

2010-04-18T19:44:00.002-06:00

Can I just start by saying, when someone says things I usually just smile and nod. Sometimes inside I am absolutely SCREAMING that they can be so insensitive. Please think before you speak. I've been a widow for 4 1/2 years...enough time to have had A LOT of things said to me. Some were the sweetest things I've ever been told and some you should never allow to come out of your mouth. Number 1 on my list..."Be thankful he is dead" Ummm....don't say this.....EVER. You would be surprised how many people actually say this. For as long as I'm alive I will never be thankful that he is dead...I am thankful I got to have him here for as long as I did, and I'm thankful I'm with him forever, and I'm thankful for the person I've become because of the circumstance I'm in...but no, I will never be thankful he is dead...don't say it...period. "You have it so easy". Since when did being a single mom to a child that NEVER has the opportunity to see their other parent in this life and not being able to talk to, touch, hug, kiss, or sit in the same room with the absolute love of your life been easy? I will tell you, it's not...never has been, never will be. "I'm a part time widow because my husbands out of town." Never should one be comparing themselves to a widow when they will see their husbands in a matter of days, weeks, months, or perhaps years...try your whole life, now that's being a widow. When you have a time period to look forward to, you have no idea what it is like in the mind of a widow who has to live their life knowing that the next time you see them is when you are dead. "I totally understand what you are going through, my divorce is like a death." Umm nope, those are two completely different circumstances that are both hard to deal with, but are no where near alike each other. That's like comparing apples to oranges. You don't understand what I'm going through, I don't understand what you are going through. Please don't compare the two. "I wish my husband had died instead" No you don't...believe me, you don't. Especially if there were a lot of hard feelings and things left unsaid, you do not want that burden on your chest the rest of your life. Would you really wish for your kids that they never ever see their other parent ever again in this life? Even if they were terrible wouldn't you want them to have a chance to change on their own while they are alive even if it isn't with you? What kind of person wishes someone dead? Not a good way to portray yourself as wishing someone dead. Just saying. This is a vague one, but it really makes the hair on my neck raise...any statement that starts with "at least you don't....." or "at least this," or "at least that"...who said it was a competition to see who has it worst...it's not uplifting to anyone and it discounts what that person is going through, how rude...how do know what it's like for them. There are many other things that people just shouldn't say, but these are the ones that are freshest in my mind right now. I'm not trying to be mean, and I'm not saying I'm ungrateful for those who are attempting to "try" and make me feel better...I'm letting you know what goes through my mind as a widow when you say those things. I'm just letting you know what I feel when things like that are said to me. Not all of us are the same, but this is how I feel. I'm not bitter, I'm grateful for my eternal companion, and there are things that we as single parents have in common, like trying to raise kids on our own. I'm just pointing out, that there are differences and those differences need to be respected and not compared. Everyone has their own cross to bear, don't think for an instant that anyone's problems are easy, their not...we are all tested and to where we think we can't handle it. If you don't know what to say, say something positive about the person that you've noticed and just give them hug...tell them you are thinking of them and love them...I know that all I really need. Sorry, I guess I really needed to get that off my chest. I feel better now.

SLEDDING!!!

2010-03-16T19:32:00.000-06:00

Well this was a first for us...I've never taken Melissa sledding before and we went with the midsingles single parent group. What fun we had!!

We sledded, had a campfire and roasted or in Melissa's words "fired" starbursts, laffy taffy, licorice and hot dogs. We had lots of fun and really enjoyed the company we were in...Melissa is a daredevil through and through!! She had everyone laughing all day with her "wisdom"...It was a great day!

What a nice day

2010-03-16T18:41:00.000-06:00

Not long ago as I was coming home from work, it was the first really nice after a long string of dreary days. It was quiet outside, there wasn't a cloud in the sky and the sun was shining. As I walked up the steps, I heard a woodpecker start pecking at some wood, I looked up and it was right above my head. No one was home, so I quietly moved into the house, grabbed my camera and quietly went back outside hoping it was still there. It was my lucky day! I spent some time taking pictures, enjoying the weather, and enjoying the quiet...Some days are just so peaceful when you can take time to do things you love by yourself. It brought me such peace that day.

School Valentine's Party

2010-02-26T07:44:00.000-07:00

Every kid's favorite party at school, the Valentine's Party. Ok I won't say every kid, but those Kindergarten kids LOVE Valentines. It's what makes their world go round, getting little cards from their friends with candy, in a decorated bag. Melissa asked me every day for 3 weeks when it was time for a Valentine's party. We put her hair into a heart to wear to school, which everyone loved and especially her. It felt like Valentine's Day threw up at our house. We had to get things for everyone this year...we had a lot of fun this year doing Valentines day at our house. Melissa gave Grandma and Grandpa mini rose bushes and a single rose, and they got a gift bag of candy. Melissa got a turtle and some other fun things. Steve was so excited to get a bear that he thought was a little too fuzzy. It was fun anyway!

ORANGE you glad we know how to have fun!!

2010-02-26T07:35:00.000-07:00

Melissa has finally decided that oranges are yummy. I decided to show her that oranges are fun too! I remember doing this in school ALL the time. Those oranges were HUGE, so Melissa had to improvise the ORANGEy smile. Now she wants her oranges in wedges so she can have orange teeth. Oh the simple things that make an impression. I love this age. I can't believe she is in the second half of her Kindergarten year. The time flies by too fast...in a month and a half she will be 6 years old!! She is growing up right before me and it's going too fast.

Toothless!!

2010-02-26T07:30:00.000-07:00

Thank goodness for Grandmas!! I hate the toothpulling business, so I gladly send her Grandma's way. This tooth has been loose since way before Christmas. She stopped wiggling it, and we had to work on it again...It finally came out thanks to Grandma's gentle convincing and a good strong pull. Now if we can get the other one out, that will be a happy day!!!

Steve's Birthday

2010-02-26T07:27:00.000-07:00

I love Steve's birthday, I have to make a note of it, because I always look forward to Steve's birthday. I do believe the last 4 years, he has worn this red sweatshirt. Hence the reason, I can't tell which birthday it is by what he is wearing because he's worn the red sweatshirt for 4 years in a row on his birthday. I think it is hilarious. Steph decided to buy him a blue sweatshirt this year, we have yet to see it on him, he sure does love this red one though. I have never seen anyone blow out candles like him though...SERIOUSLY...he blew out 37 candles in ONE HUGE SHORT BREATH...I was completely amazed!! I love that Melissa picked out a Kermit the Frog hat for him...he likes it a lot. He

He wears it to work underneath the hood of his coat. It's great. I haven't seen him wear my superman shirt yet though. I thought it was a cool one. I love that he unwraps a present and poses with it. He won't move until you say that you've taken the picture before he moves on...I LOVE IT. I did give him 37 spankings that day, he was trying to protest, but was giggling too hard to protest too much. Happy Birthday Steve, you'll always be older than me!!

Birthday

2010-02-03T12:02:00.000-07:00

Number 31!!! I didn't think I could top last year's 30 party...but I was pleasantly surprised with how well my day went. It started with a homemade breakfast from Melissa (microwave popcorn, cheese, and a ginger cookie and orange juice to wash it down) Steve serenaded me and Steph and the kids took me to browse at the library. We had a great party with great food...right now my favorite is chicken teriyaki and pineapple, so we had chicken sandwiches and chocolate eclairs for dessert. YUMMO!! I loved all of my presents, and am so thankful for ALL the wonderful birthday wishes from friends and family on facebook. What a great day!!!

Pinewood Derby

2010-02-03T11:53:00.000-07:00

What a good turnout! The day before my birthday we held the pinewood derby. This was the first time I've ever made a pinewood derby car and mine won the sibling race!!! Woo Hoo!! Very nice! It took me a total of a couple of hours to make my car, I was very proud of myself!

I was even more proud of the boys!! They showed the best sportsmanship of any 8-10 year old boys I've ever seen. They were genuinely happy for one another and did very well with the race! The cars they made were well made and very creative. Overall it was a great night, and everyone enjoyed themselves!! Go pack 70!!!

What a goosey loosey day!!

2010-01-27T17:17:00.000-07:00

Today has to be the weirdest day yet of this year. It started off pretty normal, I dropped Melissa off at school, picked her up and didn't see her again because she went over to her friends house for the afternoon. Then I went to school. As I was walking to class, I looked beside me and one goose was walking right along side me, like he was going to class with me. I thought it was a little weird considering how many people were walking with me and towards me, and he didn't move. He just kept walking in step with me until I went into the building. Weird.

If that wasn't weird enough, as I got out of class I started walking out of the building and just about ran into a man in a chicken suit running full speed towards me waving his hands. I just about got nailed by a huge CHICKEN!!!

As I was about to go to work, I called Heidi, Kelly's mom, to see what time Melissa was coming home and she informed me that they were pretending to be farting fairies. What exactly is a farting fairy? They dressed up as FAIRIES and instead of pixie dust or fairy MAGIC making them fly, it was farting that made them fly. SO they were flying around the room FARTING and making those kind of noises. So ladylike isn't it? What kinds of games girls play these days. SO WEIRD!!! I think it's kind of funny that I just typed in farting fairy and this picture shows up online. So obviously they were not the first ones to come up with it.

So now, I'm home from work, I walk in the door to see Melissa and see how her day was. I can't find her anywhere. Mom and Dad said she walked in had a glass a milk and went downstairs and that was the last they had heard from her. That was 2 hours ago. I looked everywhere, until I walked in my room and discovered her in my bed fast asleep. Farting fairies really wears you out!!!

Yuck!!!

2010-01-27T10:42:00.000-07:00

I don't know what hit this family, but it is NOT fun. Melissa started it all with a fever that ran for 5 days. After 5 days of this miserable stuff, not only did she share with me, she shared with all of the Young kids, Grandpa, and I think Steve. We are pretty much all miserable, mine turning into an ear infection. It's taking forever to go away, and it happened the first week that I went back to school. NOT FUN!!! The beginning of this year has been so weird. Sick, Sick, SICK!!!!!

On the other hand, I have been sticking to my goal of going to the temple and going to midsingle activities. I go to the temple EVERY Wednesday and hang out afterwards with the group from the midsingles that goes. I ALSO tried Salsa dancing for the first time and ending up dancing the night away. So uncharacteristic for me, but surprisingly a TOTAL blast. I really had a good time and made some amazing friends! Good month so far!

More reflection on 2009...kind of...

2010-01-16T15:14:00.000-07:00

I got this from my cousin Emily and thought it would a fun way to look back at the last year.

What did you do in 2009 that you’d never done before? Had my only child start Kindergarten
Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year? I did, but I didn't do it until the very last day of the year. Very ashamed of that.
Did anyone close to you give birth? My sister had a little girl in April, 10 days before Melissa's birthday.
Did anyone close to you die? My grandpa, a good friend, and a step-grandma-in-law. Even though it's pretty complicated, I was close to my step-grandma-in-law.
What countries did you visit? the united states of america
What would you like to have in 2010 that you lacked in 2009? money...but I will have less unfortunately. I would like more free time, but that's not going to happen either.
What dates from 2009 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? January 30-I turned 30 on the 30th. May 29-Melissa's preschool graduation. August 20- Grandpa died. September 4-car accident with Dad, Mom, Melissa, and Steve. October 21 and 26...will forever be etched in my memory for the rest of my life.
What was your biggest achievement of the year? Passing Spanish class at school and accomplishing everything I needed to for everything I'm involved with.
What was your biggest failure? going to the temple more than once the whole year.
Did you suffer illness or injury? Not much, other than an extremely bruised knee from the car accident.
What was the best thing you bought? Everything to renovate the house so Melissa and I could stay with Mom and Dad and Melissa could have her own room.
Whose behavior merited celebration? Melissa- she had some really good days where she was very helpful and kind. Grandpa - the days he didn't completely lose patience with Melissa.
Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? Melissa and Grandpa...they both had some absolutely terrible days. A 5 year old and an newly retired Grandpa living under the same roof is cause for some tense moments.
Where did most of your money go? Renovations and bills.
What did you get really, really, really excited about? Going to California for my birthday and having a spa day with Jana and Erika. Melissa's dance recital. Melissa starting Kindergarten after a long summer!
What song will always remind you of 2009? Leona Lewis - "Better in Time"
Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder? about the same
b) thinner or fatter? Unfortunately fatter.
c) richer or poorer? definitely poorer
What do you wish you’d done more of? blogging, scrapbooking, and spending more quality time with Melissa.
What do you wish you’d done less of? spending money
How did you spend Christmas? Home sweet home.
Did you fall in love in 2009? Nope.
What was your favorite TV program? Biggest Loser, Glee, Brothers & Sisters, American Idol
Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year? Can't say I hate anyone.
What was the best book you read? Twilight series...all 4 books in 6 days.
What was your greatest musical discovery? Leona Lewis and Natasha Bettingfield...and always a favorite Michael Jackson (Before he died).
What did you want and get? a room just for Melissa
What did you want and not get? I don't think there was anything.
What was your favorite film of this year? Twilight and New Moon.
What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? It was the best birthday ever. I turned 30 on the 30th. I flew to California by myself, Jana and Leo took me to dinner at Lucille's Smokehouse BBQ and the next day, Jana and Erika and I had a spa day and got facials. We then got Justin's family and Jana's family together and dipped 30 different things in chocolate! It was fantastic!!
What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? I'm pretty satisfied with it already.
How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2009? frumpalicious! JK...I don't know completely comfortable, and able to hide fat.
What kept you sane? Being able to go on Facebook and connect with old friends and be in contact with family that I'm not normally in contact with.
Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? Can't say I fancied them, but after reading the Twilight series, I enjoyed reading about Robert and Kristen.
What political issue stirred you the most? gay marriage
Who did you miss? I always miss Joe and will for the rest of my life.
Who was the best new person you met? I actually met a lot of new people this year, but the funniest one I'd have to say is Shawn.
Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2009. To not expect perfection from anybody and to except everyones best effort as good enough.
Quote a song lyric that sums up your year. Wound up, or Never Give up, I will survive. (-:

Goals

2010-01-15T14:52:00.000-07:00

So I've done a lot of reflecting the last couple of weeks and decided that I need to make some changes in my life. I live a very comfortable, but busy life. I am fine with that. I love the time I spend with Melissa, I love my callings, I can't say I love school, but I am more determined than ever to keep going and prove to myself that I can do this, I love my family and that they are more than willing to support me and help me in every aspect of my life. Especially my parents, my mom lifts my spirits when I get discouraged, my dad, like every guy I know, tries to fix things and counsels me when things need fixed. They both have strengths and weaknesses and luckily they complement each other. Where one is lacking, the other makes up for it. I'm thankful for that.

So far I have done well this year with my goal to attend the temple. I have gone every Wednesday for the last 3 weeks. I'm also killing two birds with one stone! I get to attend the temple every week, but my other goal of putting myself out there to meet new people is getting done. Every time I go it's with the mid-singles group in the area. It's a good way for me to start. There is no pressure, I don't have to talk to anyone if I don't want to, but to keep up with my goal, I got brave this last time and actually went out with them afterwards to eat, and I socialized! I found it very refreshing to hang out with a small group of people that don't know much about me and just hang out.

There are other goals that I'm working on and hopefully I can do better at getting started on them soon. I am going to try and not let my fears stop me from doing new things, I am going work on getting myself more organized so I can accomplish all I need to in school and in my church callings. I start school next week and I really want to feel more prepared to start a new semester so I can put my best work into it. Whether I like it or not, this year is going to be more about using self control in everything I do. Mostly with a healthier lifestyle, and budgeting money. I know what I need to do, and my biggest stumbling block so far has been motivation to start. The budgeting isn't that big of a problem, if you don't have it, you don't spend it. I really need to start having a healthier lifestyle. I have woken up many days and said to myself, that today I'm going for a walk, but it never happens. I have given myself a guideline. I have to be able to at least walk 3 miles comfortably by April 17, so I can do the MS walk with some friends. That is my do-able goal for right now.

SO with that, I'm off to go organize myself and go for a walk!

A new year, a New Decade

2010-01-05T15:12:00.000-07:00

This seems like a good place to start with looking to the future. I'm hoping that if a decade starts out rough, that it means there are great things to come. This is Melissa and me right at midnight, sitting in the van driving down State St. in Salt Lake City, about 2 minutes after I puked behind the 7 11. Great start eh? Not the greatest picture I'd have to say.

The rest of the trip to Salt Lake was a lot more fun than that moment, so now I will share the rest of the fun trip.

We spent New Years Eve walking around temple square looking at the beautiful lights and enjoying some great entertainment. It was cold and it was a long evening waiting for midnight to come, but thank goodness for warm buildings and great entertainment. We left Grandpa in the Joseph Smith memorial building listening to different bands and dancing, and we headed over to the assembly hall and enjoyed Jericho Road and Cherie Call. It was very fun.

It was really fun to be able to stay at a hotel with everyone and enjoy an indoor pool in the cold weather. It was great fun, in our downtime.

We had a great time, eventhough that is probably not the way we would ever spend our New Years ever again. We are all homebodies and prefer celebrating at home with our munchies, and TV's watching the ball drop and popping open the sparkling cider. Now we know, what we like and what should be put in the memory books right?

Now to look forward to the new year. It's going to start out rough for me. I really have to do well in school this semester so I can continue going to school. It's going to be tight and hard, but I confidence I can accomplish it. Hey, if I can pass all my math classes and a semester of spanish, I can do this, right? So here I am, mustering up as much determination as this body has and giving it all I've got. I've got lots of goals to accomplish and goals to improve myself. Time to get to work!

Reflection on 2009

2009-12-30T23:04:00.000-07:00

Time really does fly when your older. I remember when Christmas couldn't come soon enough, hours felt like days and when December 30 rolled around it felt like an eternity until my birthday exactly a month later. When I was a child I would have started the count down today until my birthday. That doesn't happen so much anymore. I can't believe where the last 4 months went. I blinked and they were gone. Another semester done in school, work, and working with the scouts and planning ward parties. I guess that is where all my time went. In between all that, I tried to make my time count with Melissa, but not always successful.

So I'm ending this year on a high note, or a dark note rather. My hair is a few shades darker which I love and most importantly I did succeed in one goal, I'm rather embarrassed to admit it though. I made it to the temple once this year, on December 30. I made a goal this time last year to make it at least once this year. I made it once. It's too bad I waited until the last day I could do it, now I can't exceed my goal. There is always next year right? I will do better.

I am very sad about not going more often. The feelings I get when I am there are so peaceful and reassuring, I need that throughout the year. I always feel so much closer to Joe when I'm doing temple work, it feels like we are working side by side getting the work done. That is my goal for this next year. Get to the temple more than just once. I'll try for once a month.

There is so many things I want to accomplish in this next year. It is so hard to believe another decade has gone by. Reflecting back 10 years ago, I was preparing for a mission. I just got my call to serve in Ireland, and was anxiously engaged in the preparations. I had just met Joe for the first time 10 years ago. Wow, a lot happens in 10 years. It's been an incredible journey with lots of growth and lessons learned. I'm thankful for every bit of it. I am a different person today than I was 10 years ago. Mostly for the better, I hope.

A new journey awaits me now, a new decade, starting my 30's. I can't wait to see what it brings for me. I have great hopes for a great decade of many great blessings in my life. I have many goals that I would like to accomplish and I look forward to all the growth and changes I get to see in Melissa the next few years.

What a great close to the 2000's. We cherish our memories always, live today the best we can, we hope for a bright future.

Creative!

2009-12-28T21:10:00.000-07:00

I love this...she was watching her favorite station, the Sprout channel. They showed her how to make these headbands, so she went to her desk in her room and made them without any problem. I love that she can see it done and then do it herself. AWESOME! I thought they were so cute. It made me realize, if I give her the tools she needs, she could create anything she wanted anytime. I love that she is so creative and loves to do art and crafty stuff. That's my GIRL!!

Christmas Morning

2009-12-26T10:06:00.003-07:00

I love Christmas traditions! Christmas wouldn't be Christmas without Melissa and Steve standing at the bottom of the stairs waiting to come up and see what Santa brought them. This is the first year in 2 years that Melissa hasn't woken up on Christmas morning with a fever. She was more excited to look and play with the things that Santa brought her.

She had to talk to Mrs. Claus a couple of times to make sure she got on the good list, but overall she has been a really good girl this year. It's a good thing Santa takes an average of the whole year instead of just the week before Christmas, or she would have gotten a lump of coal for sure.

My personal thought is that since Christmas is about the birth of our Savior, we need to look at our kids the way the Savior looks at us. We all make mistakes, huge ones, all the time. None of us are perfect. He is merciful, He is forgiving, and he loves us unconditionally no matter what we do. He wants us to do our best and if we do, he will pour out blessings on us.

I think sometimes we can be too critical of our children's mistakes. I know I forget sometimes that they are just learning how to live and they test us to set limits for themselves. I am sure thankful that the Savior doesn't treat me like I treat Melissa sometimes. I really need to work on being more forgiving and patient with her.

I am thankful for this season and that we have the Savior to look to for peace and an example of how to live and serve people.

2009-12-19T19:03:00.005-07:00

This semester has been pretty busy and a tough one for me...I started the semester a little rocky by losing my grandpa. I will miss his smile and the way he made me feel when I walked in the room. I always felt like he was truly excited to me every time we visited. I miss that feeling of having someone truly excited to see me and Melissa. It was the 4th funeral I'd been to in a month. The month of August, there were a lot of people that I love that have moved on.

We were supposed to drive to California for Jolynn's baptism and that was abruptly stopped when we crashed in Caldwell...the bluish greenish van didn't survive, but we all did. Mom's thumb got the worst of it. She is still in the process of getting that back to normal. My knee decided that the console between Mom and Dad shouldn't be attached anymore hence the wonderful colors in my knee. Those deep bruises take a long time to go away. I know the reason for seatbelt checks now since mine failed to work.

Melissa started Kindergarten this fall, and she absolutely loves it and her teacher. I really like her teacher also. She has learned so much and I am constantly amazed at everything she is learning. I volunteer weekly in her classroom and I love helping the kids practice all of their letters and numbers.

I am still teaching drawing classes for Young Rembrandts and I love it. I like that I go to so many different schools and get to meet so many kids. Between Melissa's class, Cub Scouts, and Young Rembrandts, I get lots of time to spend with lots of kids. I think it's to give me perspective on how Melissa acts. I understand better how normal she really is and sometimes how good she really is compared to some kids. (-:

We got to go Utah in October for my mission reunion which was a lot of fun. It's always fun to see people that you spent so much time with again. It has been a good 5 years since I'd seen any of them and I really enjoyed myself. I really enjoyed the time I spent with family too. I hadn't seen any of my cousins or my aunt Rita for a very LONG time. I really enjoyed just hanging out and getting to know them better.

Seamus is wearing the infamous neck brace, it's gotten a workout the last few months, between my pinched nerve in my neck and dad's, it gets well used. Halloween was fun, Melissa decided to be a monarch butterfly instead of yearlong plans of being Belle. She learned all about butterflies in her Kindergarten class and loves them, although her favorite animal as she has informed me is turtles.

This year has been 4 years since Joe died in October. I have learned that I still need to have a day off that day. I had plans on staying home to scrapbook, but my wise mother knew better and kept me busy with shopping. We went to the cemetery and I ended up going the same time Joe's family went. I hadn't seen any of them in a long time.

Melissa got her first filling in her tooth and was absolutely perfect for the dentist. She didn't even whimper. The dentist told her she was the best patient he's ever had. That made her so happy. I was actually in shock the whole time because I usually have to hold her down when she needs shots. She didn't even flinch when he deadened her mouth.

Thanksgiving we went to California and spent time with the California family. I love spending time with Jana and Justin and their families. I know Melissa absolutely LOVES playing with her cousins down there. I can't believe everytime I see them, how big they are getting.

This year's ward Christmas party was a huge hit. Steve made a fabulous Santa Claus. It took so much stress off of me to have him do it. Last year was such a mess trying to find Santa. He loved doing it and he was so good with the kids.

Joe's birthday was on December 8. He would have been 32 years old. We went up and had to dig in the snow to find the headstone, but it's always worth it. Melissa picked out a stop sign that said Santa STOP here for him. All she can read is STOP. So she said she needed to put it on there because he STOPPED breathing. How her brain works, always surprises me. She even made him a snow angel next to the headstone. It always surprises me what she thinks about all of this.

I promise to do better this next year with this blog. It's a lot to catch up when you wait 6 months. MY BAD! I will do better.

Yep, I'm still HERE!!

2009-12-19T18:45:00.005-07:00

I didn't disappear completely from the radar, just in case your wondering. I've been so busy over the summer and throughout the semester, the blog kind of took a back seat to everything else. I will catch you up the best that I can before the year is over. At the beginning of June we went to Idaho Falls, for a family reunion...funny thing we ended up spending all of our time at the hotel and at Van and Debi's house feeding the animals instead. I found out later that the family reunion never happened because of rain.

I spent most of my summer planning and carrying out monthly ward picnics, monthly pack meetings for scouts, and having some fun by taking Madisyn to the Jonas Brothers concert and watching Melissa grow up and lose teeth! Can't believe it's time to lose her teeth, I remember it taking so long for her to get them, and now they are all falling out! I was so proud of her, the first one and the third one she lost, she pulled them out all by herself. The second one was painful for all involved. She was so freaked out she puked all over my hand as I held her for Grandma. Little traumatic, but we got her done.

We keep working on the house, it's a work in progress and we are all excited to get it done. We were a little slowed down a few times, but we keep going. Mom is working her tail off. I wish I could have done more to help during the semester, but if you've been a college student at all, you know your life becomes nothing but books and homework throughout the semester. I'm so excited to be done with this semester and with good grades under my belt.

Catch up!!

2009-06-22T22:56:00.002-06:00

So yeah, I'm a little behind on my blogging. A lot has happened since Crazy Hair Day!! Especially the last week of May. We did our annual trip to all the cemeteries and enjoyed every bit of it. Melissa LOVES sticking the flowers in the ground, she thinks it is absolutely wrong when the stones are naked. I can't believe she graduated from preschool and is ready for Kindergarten. I am very proud of everything she learned this year. The teacher pointed out how far she had come in just being able to identify letters and especially how she draws. She gave her a major in painting and a minor in coloring. That's my girl! She loves art...Her biggest accomplishment this year was in counting though. They nicknamed her "the count" at the beginning of the year. She is going to miss Mrs. Ruddy and Mrs. Waybright, it's a good thing she will see them next year when she goes to Mrs. Schafer's class.

The day after she graduated preschool, she had a dance recital. She was totally excited to wear a pretty costume, but more importantly wear MAKEUP!! She was thrilled. She did really well. The fun part was at the end, they had a finale where all the dancers go up and just dance. The funny part was the last dance before the finale, I looked over at the side of the stage and Melissa was just standing there. I heard lots of giggling from the crowd because they were watching her instead of the last dance. When it was time for her to go out on the stage, she walked out there and then freaked out when the rest of the dancers came running on the stage. She slowly made her way to make an exit off the stage, but her teacher took her by the hand and danced with her on stage. When they were all supposed to exit they all did, except Melissa. She stood in the middle of the stage, looked out at the crowd, spotted me, waved and yelled, "HI MOM!!!!" Needless to say, the audience got a pretty entertaining show at the end. I don't think she wants to do dance lessons again, and I don't blame her. Been there done that, want to find something different. It's been pretty exciting the last month to say the least. We've gone to Pocatello, and remodeled like crazy on the house. Life just keeps going!!!

CRAZY HAIR DAY!!!

2009-05-19T23:51:00.002-06:00

Today was crazy hair day at Hawthorne school...little did I know how far these kids like to go with their hair. IT WAS CRAZY!!! I thought Melissa's looked pretty crazy, but looking at what some of the other kids did at the school, this was MILD! She liked her curls though and she thought it was pretty crazy considering every other day her hair is as straight as a pin. She definitely did not get my curl at all. I haven't been blogging as much lately, so I thought I'd throw this in because it was a fun day. I can't believe that preschool is over in a week and a half! Time to prepare for Kindergarten...where does the time go?

My BIG 5 year old

2009-04-27T23:35:00.002-06:00

I can't believe she is 5 years old. We did two parties so Grandpa and Grandma could be at one, so she got two birthday cakes. Very exciting!
She was so very lucky this year because she got a teddy bear directly from Ireland. A family from my mission that I love very much, sent her an Irish teddy bear for her birthday. They are a very sweet family that I miss very much.

She is so excited to go to Kindergarten in the fall...Luckily the shock of leaving her at a school won't be an issue because I already went through it at the beginning of this school when she started preschool. It is the same schedule as Kindergarten, so I've already done the crying thing. She loves preschool and has learned probably a lot more than I could teach her at home. Especially how to relate to and get along with all the other kids in her class. She has many friends and always asks to play at their house. I was doing ok with her getting older, until I made the mistake of going through pictures on the computer and browsing her baby pictures. It's taken me a couple of days to recover, especially since I start thinking about how many birthday's Joe hasn't been here to see. It makes me really sad, but I know it is for a reason, and she is an amazing little girl. She has days that she will tell me she misses him, even though she probably doesn't remember him that much, but she still misses him and asks me tons of questions about him, I love when I get to talk to her about him, especially when she reminds me of him. I tell her little things about how they are similar and she just laughs and loves it. Time goes on, whether I like it or not, and we are adjusting to every situation the best we can, because that is all we can do. I guess my biggest lesson is to hold on and cherish every moment we get to be in because it won't last...things always change, so be grateful for little moments.

The Dead Bird

2009-04-24T19:37:00.002-06:00

As Melissa and I walked up the driveway, Melissa stopped dead in her tracks, her hand flew up to her mouth and she whispered, "Mom, that bird is dead". She put her hands on her hips, sighed and went to find Grandma to bury the thing. Grandma shoveled the dead bird into a paper bag and handed it to Melissa, and she had no problem holding it.

It was a really rainy day so the ground was very easy to dig, so Grandma is digging away and came across a HUGE nightcrawler. Keep in mind, Melissa is holding a dead bird with no problem. Grandma picks the worm up with the shovel to show her and she FREAKS!!! She was holding a dead bird, but terrified of a worm! What a nerd!

As they finished, I was kind of chuckling because she stood there with this very solemn look on her face, like she lost her best friend. I asked her what she thought and she just bowed her head and said, "Poor bird." We were going to leave it at that, but she insisted that it needed a stone, so she stuck a straw with the lid on it. As we walked in, she kept her head down and kept saying, "Poor bird, I'm really going to miss him."

She cracks me up! I was thinking that it served it right for pooping so much on my car, but Melissa felt sorry for it, so I had to pretend. I love little children's empathy...I can learn so much from her.

More finished than before.

2009-04-24T19:32:00.003-06:00

Yeah...we have a living space and Melissa has her very own bedroom!! We are still in a huge mess, but a lot more progress has been done since the last time. This has been a big project, that I am so happy to get done.

Getting there

2009-04-06T23:53:00.004-06:00

After much planning and working, we are finally seeing some results to months of renovating. Melissa and I decided it would be best to stay where we are at, living with Mom, Dad, and Steve. To make it better long term, Melissa needed her own room, not only for her, but for me too. She is being very helpful in all of our many projects. Some more helpful than others. I can't wait for all of this to be done, but the process has been eventful.

This is the upstairs bathroom. It took a long time, but Mom finally was able to conquer the tiling. She didn't let it get the best of her!! She showed it what she is made of and now, it is one fancy bathroom!!

Here is my bedroom. I took a chance with purple and black, not knowing how it would turn out, but I love it!!! I'm only showing partial rooms due to the fact that they are not put together all the way...they still turned out great. We are just moving things along nicely!!

Pretty Girl

2009-03-03T19:52:00.002-07:00

I love getting Melissa dressed up, and now she wanted it. She asked me to take a picture because she told me she looked beautiful that day. I put rollers in her hair the night before and the next morning I had a hard time getting them out of her hair because she wanted to keep them in. What a nerd!! Anyway, it made her feel pretty, I guess that is what counts. I had fun, she enjoyed it, and we made it to church on time. That's a good day in my book. It's she's too darn cute!

Valentines Day

2009-02-19T07:56:00.004-07:00

What a fun day. I love all of the parties that Melissa gets to have in preschool. All of the kids in her class are so cute. She has great friends. They decorated their own cupcakes and ate them along with a fancy sugar cookie that Melissa thought was the greatest because it had the tiniest sugar hearts sprinkled on them.

Valentines Day was way too crazy though. I spent most of the day preparing for the preparedness fair. I made batch after batch of pumpkin soup, mom and steph made about a million pumpkin cookies, and I made a fancy poster with my new Cricut machine and I made handouts that I still have a ton of left. It was fun though. I'm glad it's over, it was a good turnout. Time to plan the next activity.

Melissa gave me a Valentine, but I think she has eaten most of it. She gave me a card and a little ceramic container with chocolates in it. Dad took her to the Dollar store and helped her pick everything out. It was very sweet of them. I loved it. Anyway, as hard as Valentines Day is for me, I enjoyed this year. I was busy, all my family was very thoughtful, (Thanks for my favorite candy, Steph) and I really didn't think about missing Joe until I sat down that night and remembered our first Valentine's Day together. What a sweet memory I have of him. It is one of my favorite.

Special Olympics

2009-02-12T13:06:00.003-07:00

The torch for the Special Olympics came to Hawthorne Elementary. It was really cool! The kids cheered so loud for them all and sang a beautiful song that made everybody cry. It was amazing. All Melissa could talk about was "Special Olymkus" She took Steve's Gold and 2 silver medals from Special Olympics to her class for show and tell. I personally enjoyed watching Melissa talk to them afterwards and watching Madisyn give her paper torch to one of the athletes. It was a really cool program. I've been looking everywhere for the special olympics blue and white scarves, but they are no where to be found. They went quick. I was lucky, my friend Shannon decided to give me hers, so I have one now. Gotta love the Special Olympics!!

My 30th Birthday

2009-02-06T07:58:00.002-07:00

I think this birthday has been one of the most memorable birthdays of my life. I really spoiled myself as well as have a good time with my family. It has really made me reflect on where I've come in the last 30 years. I've done a lot of growing and made a lot of mistakes, but for what I've done and experienced I would say I've found happiness. I know that sounds weird for someone who has lost a husband to cancer, watched family members suffer with different situations, and is raising a child without her dad. Nonetheless, I am happy and find joy every day in the midst of all the stress. I try every day to look for the positive and avoid complaining about every little thing that gets to me. Notice the key word there, TRY!!, it doesn't always work, but when I do I have a pleasant day, and I have more patience with Melissa.

I hope that my next 30 years are just as full of joy as my first 30 years. I know things are going to happen that are hard to deal with, but you just deal with it and put a smile on your face. If you can't control it, there is no reason to complain.

I am so thankful for my family, they are amazing. I love serving them and hanging out with them. They are my best friends!! They put the biggest smile on my face. I'm one of those people who look forward to family reunions in any way, shape, or form. Yeah, sometimes there is drama, but who doesn't have it occasionally. I'm learning that how you react is half the battle!! I'm still working on it. It's a good thing I'm not perfect, that gives me another 30 years to work on things right!!

Hair Donation

2009-01-29T17:10:00.002-07:00

It's taken a long time and a lot of patience for me to get my hair this long. I have been growing out my hair for 3 years...and yes if you do the math that is since Joe died. I decided after he died that I was going to grow out my hair and donate it to make wigs for cancer patients. It was finally long enough and I wanted to do it before I started a new semester. It was hard for me to do, but I'm very pleased with the outcome. I'm definitely lighter on my feet without all that hair!! It took a good 2 lbs off of me!! Just kidding, although it was getting pretty heavy on my neck. I don't know if it makes me look older and younger though. Somebody said it made me look my age and someone else said I looked 12. I don't know, I just know it feels better and not so hard to do. I'm glad I'm done!!!!

2009-01-17T21:20:00.003-07:00

The beginning of this new year has been fun and full of new things for Melissa. It's been really fun for me to show her all these new things to do also. She learned how to build a snowman, learned how to sew a straight line on her little sewing machine, and her preschool teacher told me the other day she recognizes 25 out of 26 letters in the alphabet. That is a pretty big accomplishment since she didn't even recognize one of them at the beginning of the school year. I'm very proud of her! What she is most excited about though, is dance lessons. She started that today and had a very good time. There are 3 little girls in her class and she loves her teacher. Itwill be fun to watch her learn. Too cute! Of course she is the shortest one in her class, but very cute in her little ballerina outfit. She came home showing off her moves! So far this year has been great...a great end to my 20's. I'm actually looking forward to seeing what my 30's lay in store for me considering the lifetime I lived in my 20's. Time will tell, it's up to me how to handle each experience as it comes. If there is anything I've learned is to take one thing a day at a time and to work on how to react to things as they come. My reaction will determine how it turns out.

Christmas Morning

2008-12-26T10:50:00.002-07:00

4:17 AM Exactly...Melissa pops her head up and says...did you make it to bed BEFORE santa came? Of course was my reply before she realized that it was Christmas morning and upstairs was an explosion of Christmas toys and fun things for everyone!! She jumped up and knocked on Steve's door...if there was any question on whether he was awake or not and they awaited anxiously at the bottom of the stairs for the words, ready, set, and GO!

I walked to the top of the stairs and unknown to me, mom was JUST turning off the lights and was hoping to lay down for a few minutes before the Christmas morning flurries. SORRY!! They weren't waiting. I barely got the camera ready before the whirwind came running up the stairs into the awaiting assortment of toys. I love seeing Melissa so excited. She was ecstatic with every little thing she got, down to the slinky and ceramic bear in her stocking. As the other family trickled in and we opened presents she was more than grateful for everything. She made sure to thank everyone personally who gave her a present. It was pretty cute.

We had lots of fun, playing games, playing barbies (She got a lot of them) and combing their hair (I know Jana knows what I'm talking about) I could still spend hours combing barbies hair. Although she woke up with a fever and a terrible cough, she did pretty well, and as the day went on the 4 hour nap helped a lot!!

I personally had the best Christmas ever. I really enjoyed buying Christmas this year. I was able to help a lot of people and the meaning of Christmas was burning deep for me this year. As excited as Melissa was about her princess Barbies, I was just as excited to help the people that I helped this year. It was the best part for me. To tell you the truth, I really didn't look in my stocking for a good hour after everything. I didn't play with my Christmas toy until about 9pm last night. Melissa and I played a Disney Princess Wii game for an hour before bed. I had a lot of fun with her. It's been really fun this year!!

Christmas Party

2008-12-15T00:18:00.002-07:00

This was a crazy night. I am so grateful that the Ward Christmas Party turned out so well. Tyler Rogalsky was a lifesaver by helping at the last minute. I am so glad that party is over, but even more glad when I look back at how much help I received from everybody. I'm very grateful. We had lots of fun!! Mom, Steph, and I sang a song which was a little scary! I thought we did a good job though. Melissa asked for a pink unicorn (so random) from Santa. I think she has seen Santa 3 times this year. Crazy...she asked for something different everytime she sees him. She even asks the blow up Santas that are on display at Walmart. She yells up at them (like they are going to answer) to tell him what she wants. She has even started asking the fake Santa's what she thinks I want. She keeps telling them I want the black bird barbie. 3 guesses on what that is...She cracks me up sometimes. She is at a fun age. I'm always surprised what comes up next.

Zoo Day

2008-12-15T00:07:00.002-07:00

This is the best sour face I have seen in a while. Steph and her kids and Melissa and I went to the zoo that day because it was free admission. We all got huge tubes of sour sugar powder and that is what we were eating. By the end we were so tired of it. Steph mixed all of her flavors together and Melissa got a taste of it. She had sour candy up her nose and everything. Her face is priceless.

Fall Semester Happenings

2008-12-09T17:22:00.000-07:00

I finally figured out how to do this blog thingy so I'm excited! Not that there is a whole lot to tell you about. After I sold the house in September, I decided to wait and decide later what I will do. I'm still at Mom and Dad's house and quite happy for the moment until we decide what the next step is. It really helped a lot being there this semester with Melissa starting preschool and me going through another semester of school...

Melissa loves preschool! She is learning so fast and is so good...her teachers tell me they nicknamed her "the Count" from Sesame Street because she counts everything in sight! She does really well in math, thank goodness because I wouldn't be able to help her much. I did pass my math class this semester though, I know it's a miracle!

We went to Salt Lake for Thanksgiving and had an absolutely fantastic time. Melissa figured out how fun it is to swim with arm floaties on and without me so that was a relief. We went to the Hogle Zoo and watched the animals eat their Thanksgiving dinner which was really cool. We checked out the Clark Planetarium, the Children's Museum and walked around Temple Square to see all the Christmas lights. Needless to say, Melissa was begging to go to bed she was so tired. We had a great time. It was hard to go home.

We can't wait for Christmas and be able to enjoy the holidays this year. The semester is almost over so it will be nice to have a breather.

December 8, 2008

2008-12-08T00:11:00.000-07:00

This is our birthday trip to the cemetary on the 8th. Every year I take a picture to show how much she has grown within the year. She has grown so much! She made me laugh though, she doesn't like to go without kissing the headstone, and this year she sat right by it and sang Happy Birthday to Joe. She is always so full of questions and tries to understand, I'm doing the best I can to answer them for her. I hope it helps!