Things that shouldn't be said to a widow...just needed to vent

Can I just start by saying, when someone says things I usually just smile and nod. Sometimes inside I am absolutely SCREAMING that they can be so insensitive. Please think before you speak. I've been a widow for 4 1/2 years...enough time to have had A LOT of things said to me. Some were the sweetest things I've ever been told and some you should never allow to come out of your mouth. Number 1 on my list..."Be thankful he is dead" Ummm....don't say this.....EVER. You would be surprised how many people actually say this. For as long as I'm alive I will never be thankful that he is dead...I am thankful I got to have him here for as long as I did, and I'm thankful I'm with him forever, and I'm thankful for the person I've become because of the circumstance I'm in...but no, I will never be thankful he is dead...don't say it...period. "You have it so easy". Since when did being a single mom to a child that NEVER has the opportunity to see their other parent in this life and not being able to talk to, touch, hug, kiss, or sit in the same room with the absolute love of your life been easy? I will tell you, it's not...never has been, never will be. "I'm a part time widow because my husbands out of town." Never should one be comparing themselves to a widow when they will see their husbands in a matter of days, weeks, months, or perhaps years...try your whole life, now that's being a widow. When you have a time period to look forward to, you have no idea what it is like in the mind of a widow who has to live their life knowing that the next time you see them is when you are dead. "I totally understand what you are going through, my divorce is like a death." Umm nope, those are two completely different circumstances that are both hard to deal with, but are no where near alike each other. That's like comparing apples to oranges. You don't understand what I'm going through, I don't understand what you are going through. Please don't compare the two. "I wish my husband had died instead" No you don't...believe me, you don't. Especially if there were a lot of hard feelings and things left unsaid, you do not want that burden on your chest the rest of your life. Would you really wish for your kids that they never ever see their other parent ever again in this life? Even if they were terrible wouldn't you want them to have a chance to change on their own while they are alive even if it isn't with you? What kind of person wishes someone dead? Not a good way to portray yourself as wishing someone dead. Just saying. This is a vague one, but it really makes the hair on my neck raise...any statement that starts with "at least you don't....." or "at least this," or "at least that"...who said it was a competition to see who has it worst...it's not uplifting to anyone and it discounts what that person is going through, how rude...how do know what it's like for them. There are many other things that people just shouldn't say, but these are the ones that are freshest in my mind right now. I'm not trying to be mean, and I'm not saying I'm ungrateful for those who are attempting to "try" and make me feel better...I'm letting you know what goes through my mind as a widow when you say those things. I'm just letting you know what I feel when things like that are said to me. Not all of us are the same, but this is how I feel. I'm not bitter, I'm grateful for my eternal companion, and there are things that we as single parents have in common, like trying to raise kids on our own. I'm just pointing out, that there are differences and those differences need to be respected and not compared. Everyone has their own cross to bear, don't think for an instant that anyone's problems are easy, their not...we are all tested and to where we think we can't handle it. If you don't know what to say, say something positive about the person that you've noticed and just give them hug...tell them you are thinking of them and love them...I know that all I really need. Sorry, I guess I really needed to get that off my chest. I feel better now.